Proud as Punch

I have recently been working on a book called the Nice Girl Syndrome. This has been a workbook especially for people pleasers or other women who are abiding by the law of the nice girl. Nice girls don’t misbehave, don’t make mistakes, don’t drink, swear or lie. Most importantly, nice girls always put other people’s needs before their own and never, ever show off. I have been trying to be a nice girl. A lot of people might think that’s rubbish, but I did agonise over putting myself first and if I did anything I perceived to be wrong I would feel so guilty it would bother me for weeks! What I learned from working through the book is that I don’t have great self-esteem and struggle to feel pride in myself. I think this is something a lot of women struggle with, especially women with disabilities. In a climate that is very competitive anyway – women must be seen to have it all – women with disabilities can struggle to recognise their own achievements. If they are unable to work there is no career development, college can be hard to access and sometimes disability can stop a woman from having a family. I have all three of these obstacles, although I am trying very hard to stay in college and become a therapist.

Without these milestones it can be hard to know where your life is going. I have to find different ways of feeling I’m valued in life. Many a time at parties I have been asked what I ‘do’ and to hear the word ‘nothing’ as it comes out of my mouth kills my confidence. Of course I don’t do nothing: I write 3 blogs, go to college, just started a small business and volunteer in 3 or 4 different places. Yet, none of these things are valued in the outside world- they don’t bring money in so far and I am not recognised as a writer. It seems that I need recognition from the outside world before I can feel proud of myself. I realised I needed to work on being proud of my own achievements, but how to do that?

I remembered the recent #100happydays craze where everyday people took a picture to show what had brought them happiness on that particular day. This was a great way of training yourself to be grateful for some of the great stuff we have in life that we might normally take for granted. I did this and found that the habit of looking for something happy every day did train me to look on the bright side. But, how to devise the same kind of training for self-esteem? What makes us happy does not necessarily raise our self-esteem. We can be happy about seeing a friend or having a great meal out, but it doesn’t give us that sense of pride in ourselves.

Feeling pride in ourselves is not about being selfish or arrogant. It’s about simply acknowledging ‘I did that and I did it well’. So, here I am starting a new program for those of us who struggle to give ourselves a pat on the back. The idea is that every day you post something you are proud of. It could be a big thing like completing a dissertation or raising some money for charity, but it could equally be a little thing like managing to get the kids to school while struggling with a massive migraine. For people like me, with a disability, it could be making it a few yards further on your daily walk or getting through a gruelling treatment. The point is to build up a picture of just how resilient and strong you are. As the weeks pass the posts will buoy up your self-esteem and show exactly how much you achieve and dismiss without thinking. Each achievement shows you that there is a reason and purpose to life and that you are worthwhile. This works for anyone who feels their self-esteem is low or even non-existent! It is not a place to brag, but a place to learn how to value yourself, however much you can manage. So start by tweeting either a photo or a sentence that documents your proud feeling with the hash tag #proudaspunch .Keep it up for 100 days and hopefully we’ll start the habit of feeling our own value. I’ll start tonight and I look forward to seeing all your proudest moments too.
#proudaspunch